To illustrate the more problematic nature of Venus and, in particular, hard aspects to Neptune we can see how it operates in the charts of celebrities who have been involved in addictive, violent and abusive relationships.
Pamela Anderson, Whitney Houston and Tina Turner all possess a hard Venus-Neptune aspect in their natal chart. Similarly, they were all attracted to men in the music business (Neptune), and their marriage involved the heavy use and abuse of drink/drugs. Another pertinent feature is that they were also with violent men that had over-stepped boundaries in the relationship.
In astrology, Neptune is the planet that we use as one of the main significators in the horoscope for creativity, addiction, sacrifice, neediness and also escapism. We tend to think of Venus-Neptune aspects in the chart as soul-mate connections, and a love that knows no boundaries; one that is deep, compassionate and inspiring to us. However, Neptune in the horoscope also reveals where we are lacking in boundaries, and where things tend to dissolve and leave us emotionally drained.
The savior/martyr archetype of Neptune is lived out through the attraction to unstable men who need some form of rescuing. Neptune has a powerful need in relationships for redemption and has a natural empathy and compassion for lovers (Venus), but the hard part is not allowing themselves to be victimized in the process.
With Venus-Neptune aspects, all the archetypal themes of sacrifice and suffering and powerlessness of Neptune permeates into the image of the loved one. The relationship is wrapped around images of victimization and redemption. Neptune has a powerful need for emotional unity in relationships and is the central principle of attracting a relationship that is deeply addictive, but also suffocating at the same time.
Neptune describes our longing for perfection, but many Venus-Neptune people end up in the most "imperfect" of relationships. They romanticize even the most unromantic of situations aided by Neptune’s longing, and intrinsic need to be loved. Neptune casts delusions, spells, denials, and is resistant to concrete definitions of love. It represents our place of salvation from life and when connected to Venus this is found in a partner.
Venus-Neptune swims the depths of the ocean with a significant other, but some are left drowning.
Relationships involving Neptune are capable of great sacrifice and devotion. Wherever Neptune is in the chart and whatever it touches represents the place where we tend to be the victim. In Neptune's relationships a woman stays in a violent relationship, supports a drug addict, and stays with a sick partner.
Whether all this is through a sense of obligation or guilt it is difficult to determine, and that is the difficulty. However, there are also many ways these people are highly motivated through pure compassion and sensitivity to another's pain.
Romantic Venus and oceanic Neptune may manifest as a desire for the kind of union and 'at oneness' in intimacy that can be realized: a continual conflict between the fantasy and reality of love. There's often a lack of clarity in perceiving the qualities of love objects, a tendency to project an ideal and then disappointment when the real person begins to come into focus . Psychologically, this aspect indicates problems with emotional boundaries. Character and Fate: The Psychology of the Birthchart (Arkana's Contemporary Astrology Series)